We all feel vulnerable at some time in our life or in some area of our life. We build a shell around us to protect us, to keep our hearts from being broken, from feeling fear and old hurts that we haven’t healed or don’t understand. We probably have a place to retreat to, a safe place to withdraw to, that helps us feel safe, where the harsh realities of the outside world won’t reach us. It may be a physical place, our modern day cave, or simply a place in our heads where we disengage and avoid feeling hurt. For some people, for deep hurts, it can lead to addictions, something that blots out the pain, something that stops us thinking and feeling.
Our shell is covering a wound, a deep emotional hurt. Physically, if we have an exposed cut or sore, we know that if anything touches it, it will hurt. If it gets dirty it could get infected, so we put a sticking plaster or Band-Aid, over it. Being exposed to air can actually help a physical wound to heal. Too many bandages though, and we’ll actually start to restrict our movement; the wound will not heal but could fester and even get worse, unseen, eventually brought to our attention by more discomfort. Emotional wounds, if held onto and covered up, are like a cut being covered by a plaster and then layers and layers of bandages. If we peel back the bandages and expose it to the air, we can help the healing process. Can we let go of our fear or exposing ourselves and our pain, to help the wound heal more quickly?
Our wounds make us feel like we are in a weakened position, vulnerable to attack. Shells are a defence mechanism, a way of bouncing back to the world what we don’t want to look at, what we don’t want to penetrate our defences. Like a warrior’s shield, we deflect away from us anything we feel is attacking us, might break down those defences and hurt us. The response can become habitual, taking the opposite viewpoint, deflecting anything we don’t want to see or hear. Underneath it though, we are hurting and we are reacting from the hurt. No surprise then, when we become defensive, grumpy or angry as our buttons are pressed, our old hurts and fears are triggered.
Arguments are like playing verbal tennis, taking the opposite viewpoint to one another, batting things away from us, attacking another, defending ourselves and our position. An attacking shot has to be defended, a defensive shot can leave us open to more attack. When we put our defences up, when we parry the shots aimed our way, we may be reacting from fear. Fear of expressing ourselves emotionally, cautious of exposing ourselves and making ourselves feel even more vulnerable.
Alternatively, we might respond by being cold and uncaring, emotionally shutting down, controlling our feelings. We can withdraw into our shell, our safe cave. This is the “you can’t get me” response to attack. Have you ever tried arguing with someone who refused to speak?
If, for a moment, we stop and think about how we can be defensive, how we react from a wounded and fearful position, we know that a lot of what we say in our combative and defensive shots is not really meant, it is part of the game. More often than not, we are defending ourselves rather than attacking the other person, although it seems that way to them. We often don’t mean what we say, nor do we mean to hurt the other person.
In exactly the same way, those firing shots at us are reacting from their own defensive position, reacting from their own hurts and so it is not about us! This is them protecting themselves, parrying something they don’t want to hear or feel and it is not personal!! They are reacting, feeling hurt and exposed. We can all growl like a wounded animal, roaring to scare off potential predators, fearful of attack from our seemingly weakened position.
Sometimes the hurts we are holding onto are the result of something someone else has said or done; we feel wounded, we hold onto the pain. But if we remember that they themselves are wounded, we can realise that it is not personal, they did not mean to hurt us. Then, we can begin the healing process.
Vulnerability suggests weakness but in fact it is very courageous and ultimately healing if we allow ourselves to be open-heartedly, trustingly vulnerable. We have to have the courage to peel off the layers of bandages and expose our wounds to ourselves if not to others. Under layers of bandages, out of sight, we might even have forgotten or wrongly remembered the details but are afraid to look. Bringing them to the light and the air is the only way to heal them and free ourselves from them.
It takes courage and trust to be vulnerable, to roll over and expose the soft flesh of our bellies to potential attack. A dog will do this, but he doesn’t expect attack, he expects love and affection, because he gives love and affection. That is the ultimate trust in someone else. This is me, here I am, love me!!
Being vulnerable is a glorious part of being human, a necessary part of feeling and loving ourselves and others. Fear of really exposing ourselves to others can be part of our wall of protection. If they see me as I really am, they won’t love me , I’ll be rejected and feel hurt again. Actually, it is often in exposing our soft bellies, in being openly, honestly ourselves, in letting another person see us as we truly are, that we fall in love. And loving ourselves is one of the hardest things to do, to be honest with ourselves, to relinquish power and control and just be, without judgement.
And it’s perfectly OK to do this.
It is OK to feel vulnerable, to be vulnerable and to let go, in a safe environment.
It is OK to cry, to scream and shout until we feel we are done.
It is OK to let it out and expose our wounds to the air, to allow them to heal. A quiet room, a weepy movie, the top of a hill, in the company or arms of someone who loves us and will let us be us, we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable and let go of the old wounds.
Over the next few weeks, we need to let down our inner defences, those walls and shells we have built around our deeply buried hurts. The energies are highlighting where we are blocked or restricted, especially in our emotional expression and within relationships. But there is help, there is the drive to reach beyond what is in the now, to decide we want a better, freer future, to set our sights on a goal and work towards it. We can see and reach beyond the past towards a dream for the future. There is courage, we can be courageous, even if we fall we can get back up again. Personal transformation, spiritual growth, growing through our hurts is possible.
If we find ourselves becoming moody, crabby or emotionally withdrawn, it is a sign that we are not processing our emotions, our hurts. The past should be left in the past, not kept sealed in air tight containers in our minds and hearts. We need to let go of blame, of how we were hurt by someone else, and forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves for hurting others. Forgiveness is a key and comes from understanding from a more detached, unemotional viewpoint.
It’s not surprising that we are struggling to trust our feelings as there is confusion around, making us uncertain, making it difficult to distinguish between dreams and reality. Even our instincts might seem to be less reliable than usual, but bringing things to the open is the only way forward. Deciding that we want to move forward, unencumbered, can help us spark the desire to find a way to do it.
Whichever way we chose to deal with things now and move forward, avoiding power trips is paramount. There is a danger that we will become so focused on our desired outcome, that we will trample over others en route, not seeing anything other than our own desires and end goal.
Communication is at the heart of all this and we need to remember that the real art of communication is listening. We could be so busy talking that we end up talking at someone. If we are talking through difficulties, we do not have to fill gaps. Silence is golden! And it doesn’t take grand gestures to tell someone we care or for us to feel cared about. Fame and glory, being noticed and appreciated, are very attractive prospects but ultimately have no depth. Feeling close to someone, feeling loved and appreciated can come from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and from simple things.
By the time of the new Moon in Cancer on 16th July, we will have 4 planets in Cancer, the Sun and Moon with Mars and Mercury also opposing Pluto, the planet of transformation. We can choose to express the moody, over-sensitive side of this watery sign, or its positive expressions of caring, nurturing and home loving. We can withdraw or we can take action. With the Full Moon now, the next 2 weeks is the ideal time to let things go, ready to make a fresh start at the New Moon.
And next time we see a dog rolling and exposing its belly to be rubbed, we can remember that it is OK to be vulnerable. It is perfectly OK to be human!
All photos Copyright Terrie Birch, Astrologywis
Sun is at 9° 55” Cancer, Moon is at 9° 55” Capricorn.
Son is conjunct Mars in Cancer (5°), Moon is conjunct Pluto (14°).
These two pairs of oppositions form a T-square with the Nodes, ( North in Libra, South in Aries, both 5°), technically making a Grand Cardinal Square although the square from the South Node to Pluto is out of the normal range, but cannot be ignored because of it’s conjunction to the Moon and involvement in the Full Moon opposition.
There are three depositors to the chart, Pluto, Mercury, and Neptune.
Neptune trines the Sun and Mars, and sextiles the Moon.
Mercury, now out of its retrograde shadow at 19° Gemini sextiles Venus (22° Leo), Jupiter (21° Leo) and Uranus (20° Aries). It is also square Chiron at 22° Pisces.
The Jupiter / Venus conjunction already mentioned both trine Uranus and inconjunct Chiron whilst squaring retrograde Saturn now at 29° Scorpio. Saturn’s only other aspect is trine Chiron.
The separating, last Uranus/Pluto square is now at more than 6°.
There is high cardinal energy in the chart with low fixed and mutable.
Only the Moon and Pluto are in Earth and Mercury and the North node are the only Air.
The Cancer New Moon will be on 16th July, by then Mercury will have gone into Cancer, and with the Moon also there, will make a very watery stellium.
Thanks to Terrie Birch for sharing her blog post, you can find out more about Terrie at Astrolgywise – www.astrologywise.co.uk
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